if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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