She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
