this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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