I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
