I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
we should paint friendship bongs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
