It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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