Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
