It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
