can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
