I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
