You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
