69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
