What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
