Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
