yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
