I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
