Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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