butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
