he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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