what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
May the power of my ass compel you!!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
