Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
