When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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