I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
