good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
