We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
