I'm going to jail i love you
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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