I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
