I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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