K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
