Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
