we have officially lost it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
