roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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