Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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