you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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