roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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