If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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