I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
