So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
