He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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