A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
