he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Someone shattered a urinal.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
