scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
