WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
being pregnant is like rehab
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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