I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
