He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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