I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
