I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I need to calm my uterus...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize