My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
