its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
