I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
