We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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