Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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