True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
