is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
