this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
