The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
