On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
