On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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