ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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