im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
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