Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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