Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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