The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
