all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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