It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
