Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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