I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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