Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
