11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
