i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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