My first STD was from a foam party
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
