My brain says no but my pants say off.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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