fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Randomize
