Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
