Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
