i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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