OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
