just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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