Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
