That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
