i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
