You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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