If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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