please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
