i just wanna soil my oats bro
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I will be naked everywhere
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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